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The anxiety of trying to find someone suitable to live with you is something I do not enjoy!
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sometimes i forget that my role in life requires me to bare it all. and i find it terribly hard to expose my soul so openly through music because I'm more self conscious than I let on. I'm trying to be more confident, but sometimes I just feel run down by my own insecurities.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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These are trying times and I'm shaken by merely the ripples of the tragedy that's taken place. My friend and roommate, who's life was very happy and congenial has now become forever scarred by his dad's suicide. I feel sick to my stomach just imagining the pain he's going through, this is absolutely horrible... dear God, we need you
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well, school is finished and I'm starting up late on training for my adventure home. I've discovered the East Coast Greenway, a mapped out route designated for bikers/hikers/pedestrians/etc that runs up the east coast from Key West, Florida to some city in Maine. They routed it so that it hits up all the major cities on the east coast, but avoids heavily trafficked roads. I'll be taking it from Boston to Worcester to Providence to Hartford and then possibly to NYC or just straight home, depends on how I feel by then. Sunday is launch day..
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Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
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With the oncoming end of the semester, I'm going to turn my break into as much of an adventure as possible. Hitting it off, I am going to bike home from Boston. It'll potentially take around 3 days on the pre-existing bike routes I've found online. I can't wait!
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Last night was the I'm Awake and The Morning Of show in Newburgh. It was because of this show that I wanted to get home early. For the past few weeks I've found myself listening to old TMO tracks for the first time in quite some time. It's still such a sore spot in my heart that will probably never fully heal over. The show was good though, I'm Awake rocked the house and really got a sweet response to their "thong song" cover, but then TMO hit the stage and just pounded my spirit down with every song. To hear James' melodies watered down into an emotionless, 1 dimensional delivery that two people together couldn't even sing with conviction, it was just... painful. Me and Sam stood together, being probably the only two people besides James and Robby to fathom the tragedy of what really was a "dream deferred." So after hurting ourselves with a whole set, the band made an encore that brought it all together into a bittersweet closing. "Pilot to Base," TMO's defining song brought James back on stage to sing once again with Rob standing there, giving some supporting vocals, and Nika-D ready to deliver the rap bridge. For the first time in the whole show, me and Sam were singing our hearts out, pumping our fists, and getting the closure that we really needed. It was a magical moment that brought us back to those days where our hearts were fully invested in the music that our friends played and we felt; those days where our hopes were high and our dreams started to cross into reality...I miss those days
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Saturday, March 14th, 2009
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I bought a hookah off craigslist a few weeks ago. For $70 I got a nice 4 hose professional quality hookah, which my fellow hookah friends have told me could probably fetch anywhere between $100-200. It had been a desire of mine to buy a hookah for some time prior and then was fully confirmed when I tried out my friend's. For some reason, the hookah was really appealing to me and I liked the idea of something in my apartment that would allow multiple to just chill and smoke together. It's turned out to be an ideal choice for someone who's morally conflicted with smoking weed and cigarettes. The shisha is delicious, smooth, and has lacked any repercussions healthwise thus far. I can enjoy basically any flavor (from grape and coffee all the way to pumpkin pie) and share the enthusiasm with others. It was such a huge hit at the first party I brought it to. Everyone just wanted to get down! The hookah has this exotic, mystical quality about and it's pretty impossible not to try it and then once you have, you're sold. It's fun, tasty, and the perfect instrument for bringing together random people. I've only taken it out of my apartment twice, but each time it's become the party's focal point. High fives, wide eyes, and unbridled enthusiasm have been it's byproducts, so I guess I couldn't be any happier about investing in my sweet ass hookah.
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Saturday, March 7th, 2009
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from mid thursday until today, I've been sick and done pretty much nothing except watch lost on my computer in bed. Boy oh boy do I love that show
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Today I've begun my fast from food and facebook for this week. I will update on saturday to see if I accomplished it
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Friday, February 13th, 2009
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I really have the best parents. I'm so thankful for them
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Sunday, February 8th, 2009
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Last Halloween I improvised an easy and cheap costume. I bought the only non-permanent black hair dye available and made myself black spider-man. The dye was supposed to wash out after twenty some washes, but unfortunately it just didn't complete leave my head. Just like black spider-man, I had to exorcise the blackness out! So, after some research and some contemplation, I decided to bleach it out and aim for a brightly colored blonde look. After probably 3-4 bleaching processes, my hair had become a funky, bright blonde color. I even bleached my eyebrows not to contrast. All along I had mixed feelings about it and could pretty easily tell that nobody really liked it, but it wasn't until I was at the gym one day in december that I saw that color in the mirror and realized the crime I had perpetrated on my head. Later that day, I received a call from Piper who'd become the spokesman on my friend's intervention, the "hair has got to go" they said. So I complied with their and my own dislike by buying some light brown dye similar to my natural color and dying both my hair and eyebrows back. I thought that would be the end of it, but somehow my crime has continued to haunt me, for as you see, my hair just won't let a color permanently stick to it anymore. I've gone through dye after dye, but even though they're permanent they'll still wash out after a couple weeks and reveal my dirty little bleached secret. So it'd seem that I'll have to wait probably six months before my hair just grows out a full length of naturalness where I'll no longer have to artificially maintain my natural color.
So the moral of the story is this: don't fuck with your hair, esp if you're a dude who is ignorant in such matters.
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Friday, February 6th, 2009
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I rode into school in the cold, but well prepared with thermals and face covering, then got my caffeine on with starbucks americano (my crack of choice). Orchestra was a bit rough. Playing mixed meter latin music and blasting wagner can be wearisome, but film scoring club was good (I'm now part of the crew who runs the club, which will open me up to some pretty awesome opportunities). Then I got my piano practicing and composing going, followed by berklee's Christian fellowship group. Today was filled with awesome connections and interactions with people. One from the Philippines, Singapore, Haiti, Poland, and Montana lol.
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Saturday, January 10th, 2009
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I find moments of travel to best define specific periods of your life. Because when I'm driving; I'm thinking, I'm analyzing, I'm meditating on much and it's during those times when you really get an emotional sense of where you are in life. I look back a few years when I just started up at occc, and what pops out to me are the feelings, thoughts, and sensations of getting up and driving to school everyday. The crisp, hollow cold washing across your face and stinging your ears; the clicks of a zippo and the smooth pull of a camel turkish gold; the knowing I had more to give if I could just push myself harder. And it's here, when you're positioned in one of life's stalemates that angst gains a new meaning. why am I stuck in this school? why doesn't she feel the same way? how did I get into this lifestyle? what's happening to my friends? prayer was my ultimate resolve... "the peace that passes all understanding"... but God has a way of turning every bad moment in your life to good. I don't regret those days. It was an experience that has come to define me. I don't regret that I spent 3 years of my life as a pothead, just smoking my motivation away. Cause in the end, I've learned from my mistakes, turned the bad to good and trekked on, but once in a while I start to forget. Just like when I went from being a fat awkward kid to a thin and social guy, I forgot the misery it had once held over me. And now that I'm on the right track with a world of opportunity at my doorstep, I've begun to forget those cold, hollow days. So here I write to remind myself that once upon a time you were not so fortunate, once upon a time you were not so happy, but with God's grace you pulled through. So don't spend a single second without a grateful heart, a willing mind, and determined spirit.
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Tonight me and John bought little toy helicopters for $25 and then flew them around the food court after it had closed. It was super sweet.
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Tuesday, January 6th, 2009
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Perks of Today
--getting good work done on this waltz for a handbell choir
--going to b&n with Adam and John during the storm, where discovered a new game. Tonight's mission was to find the origin of the word "kyke." Not because we're ant semitic, but because we were really curious and it seemed like a fun little mission.
--getting quality time to hang out with John after months away
I'm sorry that my time back hasn't been spent with all of my friends, but it definitely has been a good reaffirmation for some of my closest friendships
oh, and I almost forgot about how I finally got my grades...3.4 gpa! yay!!
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The last few days I've had a mild cold. It's been uncomfortable and annoying, but nothing seriously debilitating, but that didn't stop me from going into extreme lazy/fatass mode. I'd sleep right up until around noon, wake up, and fart around on my computer nearly all day, taking in intervals to watch movies or do various other unproductive things. And this was all while stuffing my face with whatever could be mustered up in my kitchen. Three days of this lifestyle has been quite enough. Although I'm still slightly sick, I feel like Fatty McFatfat the lazy fatass from fatburgh; so now it's time to switch modes. Luckily I'm equipped with a personality which explores each polar opposite of many things. For now I will go from fatass lazy to exercise anorexic as I gym it up and let my stomach shrink enough to be satisfied by small amounts. This lifestyle is definitely much more profitable, since most of my money would be spent eating out. So even though such an unstable routine can be hazardous, it's quite profitable in many respects. So besides getting back into a better diet and exercise routine, I believe I will become more active in many things, such as writing in this livejournal, writing crazy songs, and practicing the piano like there's no tomorrow..oh and maybe read some books, learn how to whistle with my fingers, do origami, write a screenplay, and find out if it really is true that waking a sleepwalker is especially dangerous.
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Friday, December 5th, 2008
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every time i'm riding through the city and passing somebody on the curve holding their hand in the air as they hail a cab, I want to give them a high five and speed away
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Monday, November 3rd, 2008
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Thursday, October 30th, 2008
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it's so strange, so funny, so awesome....like spiritual static, we gravitate towards that someone. That one who has somehow slipped inside our soul to turn a rat race into a romance.
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sjc1brit's journal
tired.
restless.